Ever Try to Earn Your Worth?

 

Anybody out there grown worth-weary?

I have. I’ve worn myself out, clawing my way through one more task, one more chore, one more word. Truth be told, to earn my worth.

Have I done enough? 

Written enough? 

Spoken enough? 

Enough for what? Another pat on the back or smile? An award? A sense of worth?

For years I sewed, sometimes until 3:00 a.m. (That’s what Super Mom does, right?) I grabbed a couple hours of sleep and trotted off to work by 7:00 a.m. Trouble is, I had nothing left for my employer. And by 6:00 p.m. I possessed not a shred of energy for my husband or my children. 

I‘ve been known to write for twelve hours straight. But by bedtime my back aches, my eyes are crossed, and I can’t think straight. It’s all I can do to stumble past my husband and into bed. At those times, I’ve closed my ears to God’s voice through His divine megaphone: “Enough, already!”

It’s easier to express my thoughts and emotions in writing than with the spoken word. So at times I regret not speaking up or speaking out enough. I have yet to figure out what’s enough. But God isn’t stumped.

What Does God’s Word Say?

And let us not be weary in well-doing:
for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. 
Galatians 6:9 (ASV)

The Apostle Paul encourages the Galatian church not to be weary in well-doing. In the past I thought that meant to concentrate on the well-doing and push aside the weary. 

But I have a different take today. God created us to grow weary. Weariness has a purpose. Like pain, a la C.S. Lewis, weariness can serve as God’s megaphone. 

How am I to Respond?

Take Rio’s 2016 Olympic rowing competition for example. The coxswains didn’t hold megaphones as in the old days. They issued calls from their diaphragms in a language their teammates understood and in tones the rowers recognized.

Winners had built more than muscle strength. They’d honed their listening skills, response time, and output. Winners responded to the coxswains in ways that achieved the goal without depleting their strength.

I’m immensely honored to have received ACFW‘s Carol Award in the Debut Novel category for The Calling of Ella McFarland, As I look back on the years of mulling over the idea and researching the subject matter, I can relive a sense of weariness. But unlike my younger days, I recall stopping the press, if you will, to rest. My goal wasn’t to win the Carol Award. It was to leave a legacy of faith in writing for my grandchildren. For Jesus’ sake.

Not to earn my worth but to show God’s. 

My spine is crooked from years of bending over a sewing machine or a desk. Had I heeded God’s voice in my weariness, no doubt I would sit straighter and experience less pain at the end of a day of writing. I can’t undo the past, but I can adjust my behavior in the present and consider the future without anxiety. 

 

I can’t earn my worth … only cling to Jesus’. Trust Him with my labor. And obey when He shouts, “You’re weary. Rest!” 

P.S. Excuse me while I take a holy nap.